February 2012
45 posts
Indy film moment.
I went to Barnes and Noble tonight. I picked out a handful of books, sat in a chair along the wall on the second floor, and began reading. A guy sat down next to me a few minutes later. We didn’t make eye contact or speak.
When I got up, my bag was between our seats. His foot was resting on his knee above my bag. I slowly picked up my bag and said quietly “Excuse me.” He moved...
This one blind has been swaying back and forth for the past three minutes. The windows are open but none of the other blinds are moving whatsoever. It slows down a little but not much. Kind of freaking out right meow.
I got up to stop it from swaying and it isn’t moving at all now. Um…
Homemade pizza with homemade sauce on top of homemade dough.
How am I not 35 with two kids and a loving husband?
When you’re young, you look forward to birthdays because they mean you’re closer to being an adult and getting new opportunities for fun and being taken seriously.
As you get older, you fear them because they remind you of all of the things you have failed to do in all of the years you’ve been alive.
This message also brought to you by my impending birthday doom.
I'm scared of getting older because as the years...
This message brought to you by my birthday happening in 34 days.
Internet friendships
The thing I hate most about Internet friendships is when you meet someone that you click with REALLY WELL. I mean, that’s great, but it sucks. What ends up happening is you guys talk a lot and get to know each other and think “Man, I’ve found a really awesome person!”
Then you get busy. Then you guys stop talking for awhile because you get so busy. Then it becomes awkward...
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There's something in the New York water.
Matt LeBlanc:
Concierge at the Howard Johnson in Queens Village:
Greg Kinnear:
Cameraman for the Today Show:
Anonymous asked: Straight up are you a good cook
Food for thought.
Unilever manufactures soap. Unilever also manufactures ice cream.
For soap to be soap, it needs fat.
For ice cream to be ice cream, it needs fat.
It’s safe to assume that the animal fat used in their soap is also used in their ice cream (Breyer’s, if you were wondering).
Talia's Words of the Day!
Automagically: Automatically, but in a magical way.
Etiffany: An epiphany, but it sounds stupid so people are confused that you used a big word but said it wrong. Also comes in handy when talking to stupid people/children who don’t know what an epiphany is. FUN TIP: Use this word while speaking with stupid people/children and they will go around saying “etiffany” and smarter...
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SNARK.
“My shits are no laughing matter.” “Neither are you jokes.” “It’s like a slumber party except when you wake up it’s still a party!!!” [regarding desperately having to poop] “I got up and had to clench my butt as I walked to the bathtub.” “The BATHTUB??” “Freudian slip!” “More like if Craig got in the shower...
Hello, New York.
I am inside of you.
You’re not as cold as people make you out to be. I like you. Let’s make love.
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Before I start my homework, I need to go to the store and buy some energy drinks so I can stay up all night and get all my homework done!
K. Back from the store. Hm, I want to check the internets for a little while before I start my homework - as a treat.
Okay, well everyone is asleep now so I guess I should start my homework!
Oh but first I’m going to drink this energy drink.
Okay,...
How y'all doin tonight??
I SAID HOW Y’ALL DOIN TONIGHT?
Why do people who get on stage always ask that question?
And why haven’t audiences learned by now that they should, in unison, reply with “IT COULD BE BETTER. MY WIFE FORGOT TO BUY BLUEBERRY EGGOS SO I DIDN’T HAVE ANY EGGOS FOR BREAKFAST SO I ATE TOAST AND THAT SUCKED BUT OVERALL I’M ALRIGHT, I GUESS. HOW ARE YOU?”?